I don’t know why how/when to “spill the beans” is such a big deal to me, but it seems to be something that has occupied a LOT of my energy lately.

If it were up to Pete, he’d just send an email out to everyone we know and be done.  As for me, I really need to do this my way.  Which is I really prefer to tell friends one by one or in small groups.  AND, there are certain friends I want to tell before others.  For example, I felt the need to tell my good friend Anna first… unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen, because I’ve already told a couple of friends first (oops)!!  But Anna is my friend who has truly been through the infertility battle with me since the beginning and I truly believe that she understands more than anyone else since she dealt with her own issues before giving birth to the fabulous, gorgeous baby Kamila.

We went to dinner with a group of friends last Saturday night and I know that Pete wanted to “make an announcement”, but it just didn’t feel right to me.  First, the purpose of the dinner was to catch up with our friend, Ian, who is visiting from Australia for a few weeks.  Also, I don’t like the idea of blurting it out to a big group.  I’d rather share the news with a couple of friends so that I can give the news the attention it deserves!  I want to talk about how I got a negative result the day before I got my positive blood test.  I want to talk about how difficult the last few weeks have been due to nausea, exhaustion and general stress.  Etc, etc.

Luckily, Pete was “good” and kept his little mouth shut!!  There were a couple of moments where I was “bracing myself” – ha ha ha!

Oh and even better, I ordered a mint-lemonade which everybody thought was a mojito – love it!

Here’s the latest post from the BabyCenter.com September 2010 Birth Club… I should write a book!

So a womens clinic will give ultrasounds? I am driving myself CRAZY thinking something is wrong because I am having absolutely NO symptoms, and I can’t go to the dr until medicaid gets approved and I can’t mail the app in until tomorrow when DH gets his proof of income from his grandfather. (Family owned car business) So it will be weeks before Medicaid gets approved and then I dont know if I will get an appt right away, and I just can’t wait that long. I will give myself an anxiety attack before then!! I just need to see the heartbeat and I will be fine, but this having no symptoms is really making me crazy!! I mean I usually don’t worry about things, but I am obsessing over this. My DH even said so. What should I tell them if I go to the womens clinic? That’s where I went to get my confirmation test for medicaid and I saw then that they do U/s, but I didn’t know the circumstances on which they will give them. Will they give me one just because I am freaking out thinking something is wrong?

I am partaking in one of my newest favorite hobbies:  surfing the BabyCenter.com September 2010 Birth Club forum.

There is some seriously shocking stuff I have learned in the last 5 minutes:

• One woman wonders what to do with all of the beans that she gets with her WIC coupons
• One woman confessed to eating only Fun dip, smarties, lemon heads, Reese cups, ice cream, donuts, cake, and cookies
• One woman was stressed because the Medicaid application takes months and she needs to get in to see an OB/GYN since she is pregnant (!!)
• One woman who had to post-pone her OB/GYN appointments due to the fact that she has to save up for the copay

I can’t even summarize this one, so here’s the entire posting (with typos!)

… my “exfutureMIL” told my mom today

that I’m pregnant… I was holding off till this Thursday, when I had an actual sonogram in my hands, I was terrified of my mother knowing because I KNEW she’d tell me I had to get “rid of it” (I’m 24, there’s no way she could make me, but she’d try..) I was also waiting to get my insurance, and signed up for financial aid in my area, and to get enrolled in school.. All these things were to soften the blow (and I have done all of them, save actually going to my first appt.), and help her see that I’m very serious about this. I KNEW what I had to do the second I saw the positive on that little test, my XDF did not, and was not picking up his feet fast enough, so I decided to end it. When I decided that, he immediatly went home, packed his sh*t, and “started walking down the railroad tracks, north”. Upon hearing about her sons trek, and the reason behind it, his mother proceeds to come to MY work, and yell at me.. of course, I had to ask her to leave, after a halfhearted attempt of telling her that I was prepared to be a mother to our child, but that I wouldn’t be his mother also, and that I never ONCE said he couldn’t see LO, he decided to “leave” all by hisself.. she calls my mother… at work.. and tells her.

WTF!!

OMG!  Super fun day yesterday.  It was Super Bowl Sunday, one of my favorite Sundays of the year.  We had decided to go to a joint Super Bowl/Birthday party for our good friend, Danielle, who we haven’t seen in over 3 years (so WRONG).  I had forgotten how much I love both Danielle and her brother, TJ… who was actually our internet ordained minister at our wedding in 2o02 – good stuff!

Anyways, definitely a fun party, hosted by Danielle’s teacher friend, Kanani.  There is something so fun about sharing the event with like minded football and non-football fans, evaluating the commercials, making predictions, guessing who will win the quarterly pool, oh and playing a fun game I just learned called “The Dollar Game”…. it’s a game that definitely appeals to my gambling spirit!

Anyhoo… it turns out Danielle is now working at a Wine Bar – in addition to teaching Kindergartners and working at a computer lab,  yep she’s a hard worker! – so she had brought over tons of bottles of beautiful, fine wines that she had gotten at a discount.

I had to endure 5 hours of watching my new Super Bowl friends sipping on gorgeous Pinots, Zinfandels and Malbecs.  Grrrrrr!!!  How badly did I want to pour myself a glass!?!??  Fine wine is definitely one of my biggest weaknesses.

I was good, of course…. sipping on my non-alcoholic beer.  But I’m really starting to see how the next 7 months are going to be much more difficult than I thought.  They do say that during the 3rd trimester (some even say the 2nd trimester), that it is safe to have a drink or two.  I don’t know if I will actually partake or not.  Once I get to the 3rd trimester, let’s face it, home stretch, right?  But damn…  by that time, how much will I be craving wine?!?

Yesterday I enjoyed a phone conversation with a new pal I met on the Infertility forum: Melanie.  Melanie and I got our BFP (“big fat positive “, a holy acronym for those on the infertility forum) around the same time.  She’s a week or so ahead of me (due date September 10) and it’s been great having her as a “partner in crime” so to speak.  She and I have had pretty parallel pregnancies so far….  when I’m obsessing about symptoms or a lack thereof, she seems to be as well.  When I’m googling about the safety of space heaters and pregnancy, she’s googling about the safety of cold medicine.

We enjoyed a really fun conversation whereas anyone else would think we were completely bat-crazy!  The two of us are actually considering the purchase of a fetal heartbeat doppler in order to check to make sure our babies’ heart is still beating.

Seriously now?!?!  How did I get to be THAT obsessive, neurotic chick?  I have always been quite easygoing about stuff, but suddenly I’m a freak.  Melanie, at least, has somewhat of an excuse, as she got pregnant last year and miscarried at around 8 weeks.

I think the experience I endured dealing with Infertility is the main reason this crazy person has emerged.  After so much heartache, emotional ups & downs, and physical effort, I feel like this pregnancy is a miracle.  I know that sounds dramatic, but at 39 years old, that’s how I feel.  And let’s face it, miracles are to be cherished.  I just cannot bear the thought of something happening and not getting my little bundle of joy in September.