Big fat PHEW!
I had worked myself into a nervous wreck for this morning’s 8 week ultrasound.
All for naught… everything was perfect.
Baby is 2 cm long and really looks like a lima bean! We got to hear the heartbeat and I have to say, I could have sat there all day listening to him/her. It’s amazing how something so tiny can have such a strong, loud, fast heartrate. Fascinating!
Here is a picture… which I can’t stop staring at. It’s safe to say I’m in love.
Here’s the latest post from the BabyCenter.com September 2010 Birth Club… I should write a book!
So a womens clinic will give ultrasounds? I am driving myself CRAZY thinking something is wrong because I am having absolutely NO symptoms, and I can’t go to the dr until medicaid gets approved and I can’t mail the app in until tomorrow when DH gets his proof of income from his grandfather. (Family owned car business) So it will be weeks before Medicaid gets approved and then I dont know if I will get an appt right away, and I just can’t wait that long. I will give myself an anxiety attack before then!! I just need to see the heartbeat and I will be fine, but this having no symptoms is really making me crazy!! I mean I usually don’t worry about things, but I am obsessing over this. My DH even said so. What should I tell them if I go to the womens clinic? That’s where I went to get my confirmation test for medicaid and I saw then that they do U/s, but I didn’t know the circumstances on which they will give them. Will they give me one just because I am freaking out thinking something is wrong?
… definitely a challenge at times. I have always been the type who goes through “meal stages”. I’ll be on a sandwich kick and will eat the same sandwich everyday for weeks until I get positively sick of it. Or it will be quesadillas, or salad or baked potato w/ fixings. It’s strange behavior I know… but I do it partly to make life easier on myself: I don’t have to think too much about what to eat! After all, I’m lazy by nature.
These days, of course, it’s important for me to eat a more varied, complete diet so I’ve found myself having to really think about what to prepare for my meals. Breakfast is easy: I’ll usually have cereal or oatmeal with O.J. Considering the folic acid factor, I think I’m okay there.
For a while, I was making myself a giant salad with avocado, meat (chicken or steak), olives, and other veggies. But now the thought of eating that kind of makes me nauseous.
I am partaking in one of my newest favorite hobbies: surfing the BabyCenter.com September 2010 Birth Club forum.
There is some seriously shocking stuff I have learned in the last 5 minutes:
I can’t even summarize this one, so here’s the entire posting (with typos!)
that I’m pregnant… I was holding off till this Thursday, when I had an actual sonogram in my hands, I was terrified of my mother knowing because I KNEW she’d tell me I had to get “rid of it” (I’m 24, there’s no way she could make me, but she’d try..) I was also waiting to get my insurance, and signed up for financial aid in my area, and to get enrolled in school.. All these things were to soften the blow (and I have done all of them, save actually going to my first appt.), and help her see that I’m very serious about this. I KNEW what I had to do the second I saw the positive on that little test, my XDF did not, and was not picking up his feet fast enough, so I decided to end it. When I decided that, he immediatly went home, packed his sh*t, and “started walking down the railroad tracks, north”. Upon hearing about her sons trek, and the reason behind it, his mother proceeds to come to MY work, and yell at me.. of course, I had to ask her to leave, after a halfhearted attempt of telling her that I was prepared to be a mother to our child, but that I wouldn’t be his mother also, and that I never ONCE said he couldn’t see LO, he decided to “leave” all by hisself.. she calls my mother… at work.. and tells her.
WTF!!
It has become very clear that certain friends of mine do not appreciate my new “clean living” way of life. Or else they do not know how to deal with a non-boozing person in their life.
Friends with whom I had previously spent loads of time sipping fine wine and pondering the questions of life seem to have dropped me like a hot potato since I’ve adopted my no – alcohol lifestyle. Instead I get to hear about their raucous, tipsy evenings post haste.
I guess it is something I should expect, however it is sad that maintaining a relationship with plain ol’ me isn’t interesting enough to overcome the fact that I am a “drinking partner” no more.
Such is the nature of life. We are ever evolving. I am a big believer that people come into your lives for different reasons at different times, serving some kind of purpose. As I get older and my priorities change, it’s only natural that my friendships change. Does this mean I’m destined for a future of “mommy group” friendships??…
… which is NOT me. Although I want motherhood more than anything, it doesn’t change the core of who I am. I still want to drink wine and act silly with my friends. And as I learned yesterday, I am quite capable of giggling and having fun drinking non-alcoholic beer amongst the most hard-core of wine drinkers.
Besides, don’t these people want a Designated Driver??
OMG! Super fun day yesterday. It was Super Bowl Sunday, one of my favorite Sundays of the year. We had decided to go to a joint Super Bowl/Birthday party for our good friend, Danielle, who we haven’t seen in over 3 years (so WRONG). I had forgotten how much I love both Danielle and her brother, TJ… who was actually our internet ordained minister at our wedding in 2o02 – good stuff!
Anyways, definitely a fun party, hosted by Danielle’s teacher friend, Kanani. There is something so fun about sharing the event with like minded football and non-football fans, evaluating the commercials, making predictions, guessing who will win the quarterly pool, oh and playing a fun game I just learned called “The Dollar Game”…. it’s a game that definitely appeals to my gambling spirit!
Anyhoo… it turns out Danielle is now working at a Wine Bar – in addition to teaching Kindergartners and working at a computer lab, yep she’s a hard worker! – so she had brought over tons of bottles of beautiful, fine wines that she had gotten at a discount.
I had to endure 5 hours of watching my new Super Bowl friends sipping on gorgeous Pinots, Zinfandels and Malbecs. Grrrrrr!!! How badly did I want to pour myself a glass!?!?? Fine wine is definitely one of my biggest weaknesses.
I was good, of course…. sipping on my non-alcoholic beer. But I’m really starting to see how the next 7 months are going to be much more difficult than I thought. They do say that during the 3rd trimester (some even say the 2nd trimester), that it is safe to have a drink or two. I don’t know if I will actually partake or not. Once I get to the 3rd trimester, let’s face it, home stretch, right? But damn… by that time, how much will I be craving wine?!?
I have not heard from my Rhode Island pal, Melanie, yet today. She was due for her 8 week ultrasound this morning (EST). It is now 4pm EST and I haven’t heard a peep.
She’s a schoolteacher, so I truly hope that she’s busy at school and hasn’t had time to update all of us on the infertility forum and ME, her west coast pregnant pal.
But I can’t help but feel that something is wrong. She usually sends a note out right away with the “good news”.
Of course being that I have felt like Melanie is my pregnancy sister, I can’t help but let my mind wander and imagine all of the dreadful possibilities: no heartbeat, baby has stopped growing, etc, etc. AND since she’s my pregnancy sister and I have felt like our experience has been pretty similar thus far, my crazy mind starts to wonder if Melanie’s awful imagined fate is also happening to me?!?!?
Insane, I know. But I am not feeling nauseous today. I have not felt the exhaustion I felt previously in the last couple of days. I just wish I could look inside and know that all is ok. My next ultrasound is not scheduled until next Thursday (yes 7 days away). I could call my doctor and ask for another ultrasound, but I haven’t reached that level of panic…. yet.
I will feel so much better once I hear from Melanie. Do I really have 7+ more months of this?!?!
Yesterday I enjoyed a phone conversation with a new pal I met on the Infertility forum: Melanie. Melanie and I got our BFP (“big fat positive “, a holy acronym for those on the infertility forum) around the same time. She’s a week or so ahead of me (due date September 10) and it’s been great having her as a “partner in crime” so to speak. She and I have had pretty parallel pregnancies so far…. when I’m obsessing about symptoms or a lack thereof, she seems to be as well. When I’m googling about the safety of space heaters and pregnancy, she’s googling about the safety of cold medicine.
We enjoyed a really fun conversation whereas anyone else would think we were completely bat-crazy! The two of us are actually considering the purchase of a fetal heartbeat doppler in order to check to make sure our babies’ heart is still beating.
Seriously now?!?! How did I get to be THAT obsessive, neurotic chick? I have always been quite easygoing about stuff, but suddenly I’m a freak. Melanie, at least, has somewhat of an excuse, as she got pregnant last year and miscarried at around 8 weeks.
I think the experience I endured dealing with Infertility is the main reason this crazy person has emerged. After so much heartache, emotional ups & downs, and physical effort, I feel like this pregnancy is a miracle. I know that sounds dramatic, but at 39 years old, that’s how I feel. And let’s face it, miracles are to be cherished. I just cannot bear the thought of something happening and not getting my little bundle of joy in September.
Day two of pregnancy blogging. : )
So you know that pregnancy so far has been a major blessing, but also challenging physically. Yet, the worst part of it all is the fact that I am acting like a con artist. I’ve been lying to some of my closest friends simply to keep this secret. It does make me feel awful, not to mention I’m dying to share the great news with people who I know will simply be over the moon, ecstatic for me.
So…. my deepest apologies, everyone. It has been super easy to tell people, “oh yeah, I’ve given up alcohol to help ensure my fertility treatment is successful” (not COMPLETELY a lie). But I can’t help myself but to elaborate and keep going with it: “yeah, it is so hard to deal with” (hey, might as well gain some sympathy while I’m at it?!?!), Blah blah blah. Loose lips over here. The shocking part: my friends just eat it up. I never knew it could be so easy to connive my closest friends. Yikes!
Since my fabulous teacher at the Dailey Method, Liz, just revealed that she’s 9 weeks pregnant, I’ve decided to follow suit and announce the news to everyone at around that time. I have my 8 week utrasound next Thursday so soon after that I’ll start spreading the news. Only 2 weeks to go!! Hurrah. This deceit and secrecy is killing me!
It’s killing me that I must keep my mouth shut. I am just not good at that!
Since I can’t stand it, I’ve decided to blog until the very moment that the secret can be revealed, at which time I intend to post all of my blog entries about my secret. So, here we go…
After many years of trying, stressing, enduring acupuncture, being poked and prodded (and not just by Pete!!!), I am finally pregnant. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind, since I first learned that IUI #2 was successful, to experiencing multiple blood tests and ultrasounds to confirm the pregnancy is “viable” to today, when I sit here at 6 weeks 5 days pregnant. My baby is due to arrive on our around September 21, 2010.
Of course, it’s still too early to blab it to the world, although there are a few select individuals who know: my mom, sister, my best friend from HS who revealed to me that she too is pregnant, due 2 weeks before me and my exercise instructor who is due 3 weeks before me (crazy huh?)… oh yeah and a whole bunch of random ladies that I only know by their screenname who belong to the infertility forum I belong to. Seriously that forum was key to my sanity over the last few months.
It’s finally starting to sink in that this is for real and later this year, our lives are going to change dramatically. The experience has been a COMPLETE adventure so far – and it’s still so early – that I really needed to start documenting this experience.
Let’s take a step back why don’t we? The day before I was scheduled for my blood test (they wait until 2 weeks after the IUI procedure), I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I took a Home Pregnancy Test… NEGATIVE. I was pretty bummed, but for some strange reason, I didn’t think the IUI would be successful. Mainly because I had zero symptoms during the entire 2 week wait. So, the next day I went in for my blood test. Since my period still hadn’t arrived, so I figured I might as well. That day I went out to lunch with a client and had a glass of wine. After all, I was certain the blood test would come back negative. Shock of all shocks… the nurse called me back to tell me I was pregnant. I was driving at the time and thank goodness I was traveling slowly because I almost slammed on my brakes, I was so shocked.
I called Pete but we knew we had to be cautiously optimistic. In hindsight I think we both felt like we couldn’t really celebrate, knowing that at my age miscarriage is a pretty common occurrence.
I then had to wait another 2 weeks for an ultrasound… to find out if the embryo is implanted in the correct place, has all the necessary parts and possibly see a heartbeat. Those two weeks could not have gone any slower. I experienced mild cramping (felt like pulling twinges low in my abdomen) and very sore boobies. Pete says my boobs have gotten bigger, hallelujah! I can use all the help I can get!
I was so nervous for the ultrasound, but hurrah, everything looked great. The “baby” was 4 mm long and we saw a very strong heartbeat. I nearly cried when I saw that heartbeat; it’s just a phenomenal experience to see that happening inside of you. My doctor estimated me at 6 weeks 1 day pregnant, with a due date of September 21.
Of course that was last Wednesday and since then we’ve allowed ourselves to start exploring baby names, planning and truly getting excited for what is to come.
Last Monday (5 weeks 6 days), morning sickness hit me like a ton of bricks. It really feels like I have been hungover for days (without having experienced any fun boozy nights of course!) But it hasn’t been terrible. I find that if I eat something light, it really helps. Mostly I’ve been able to power through the waves of nausea. Let’s hope that this is the worst.
Exhaustion has been the biggest plague for me so far. Afternoons are really tough. I feel my eyes closing and all I want to do is go to sleep. Alas, napping is not in my DNA! No matter how tired I am, I can’t just lie down midday and sleep. Luckily I work from home, so I can be a zombie and no one will notice.
So far I’m reveling in the experience. My mentality is: bring on the symptoms. I want to feel it all. It has taken so long for this to be a reality that I want to experience all of the positives and negatives that pregnancy brings. As strange as that may sound. They do say that women who experience morning sickness tend to have a lower miscarriage rate.
Thanks for listening. I’ll check in tomorrow with some more details. I’m starting to feel tired now. : )
